Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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