these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
two words...techno handjob
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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