my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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