he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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