You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
