If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
