I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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