Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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