took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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