turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
