homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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