it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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