I have demons in me.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you didnt know i had herpes?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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