she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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