I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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