Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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