My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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