Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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