I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
