Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
