yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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