Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
