Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
