i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
