Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
