I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is classic penis vs brain.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
