Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize