If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
