So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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