He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
