Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
