perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
