How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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