piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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