Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
