Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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