I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
