he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wear drunk well.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
