He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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