New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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