i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
