i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
