There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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