I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
