There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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