She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
