If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
