i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
