I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
