I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
this hospital has no fireball
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
