If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
